by Dr.Harald Wiesendanger– Klartext
What the mainstream media is hiding
Gratitude is a key to happiness and peace of mind. Western psychologists have now confirmed this ancient Buddhist wisdom. Can we train “the greatest of all virtues,” as Cicero called them? The more of them, the better – for example, in the corona crisis?
Be grateful: In a sense, most of us do this every day. We think and say “thank you” when someone holds the door for us or offers us his seat on the bus, picking up the coin for us that we dropped at the store, compliments us, or gives us something. In such cases, to be grateful means: feeling and expressing appreciation for a current occasion – for the fact that someone has done us something good. The exceptionally polite person would like to thank you for every nice gesture, no matter how small a favor.
In the philosophy of Buddhism, however, Gratitude means much more. It means a positive attitude that permanently shapes life as a whole: our attitude to the world, to our own existence. Whatever we experience, remember, or imagine, becomes brighter and warmer as a result.
It does not necessarily require a supernatural someone to give us gracious gifts. Religious people thank God, atheists no one, at least not higher power. Even an unbeliever can be filled with Gratitude, deep and persistent. For what he’s got. For what he is. For everything, he has succeeded in doing. For everything that makes him happy, makes his life more beautiful, enriches, and fulfills. But also for what was spared him.
Some study philosophical literature in the expectation of finding arguments from which the necessity of being grateful emerges as an inevitable conclusion. You are wasting a precious lifetime. Viewed soberly, the world offers us just as much reason to quarrel with it, to turn away from it disappointed and to despair of it as to be at peace with it. Anyone who turns them into a cynic, a miser, a nonsenseist will find more than enough very best reasons to stay that way, anywhere, anytime.
But if Gratitude does not result from rational consideration, then from what can it grow out?
Out of pragmatism. If there is as much to be said for and against a certain attitude: what sense does it make to prefer the less satisfactory one? Why should I choose the one who makes me more unhappy? Why should I close my eyes to everything positive that happens to me and disregard it? What would I get if I were not a masochist?
There is no better reason to be grateful than to understand that it is simply good for me. It makes me happier, and it gives me peace of mind. I feel better because of it.
It does not require you to fool yourself – literally put on the “rose-colored glasses.” The grateful, at least the wise, do not overlook all misery, violence, wickedness, and injustice. It is not indifferent to him. He certainly doesn’t think it’s good. He just weights it differently when he perceives it. He does not allow it to become the focus of his attention, absorb too much psychic energy, and oppressively overshadow his entire life.
Easier said than done, it seems. What should I be grateful for when my significant other lies and cheats on me for a long time, only to abandon me finally? When my children, for whom I have sacrificed myself, go their way indifferently? What if my boss fires me for flimsy reasons instead of appreciating how much I’ve done for his company?
No, no argument is good enough to force you to come to terms with all of this. Those affected can rightly grapple with fates like this until the end of their lives, only to take their last breath, mournful and bitter.
But must, should they? Wouldn’t it be better for you to change your perspective?
When the faithless partner left, he set me free for a new one who wouldn’t do that to me. Before children abandon their parents, they may have enriched and fulfilled their lives for decades. Being kicked out of the company offers the opportunity to reorient yourself professionally, pursue other interests, and develop idle lying talent.
If certain principles prevent you from seeing what has happened in this way, how helpful, how indispensable are they?
What Far Eastern wisdom teachings have been emphasizing for thousands of years is now confirmed by the scientific psychology of the West. Health, relative prosperity, freedom; the absence of danger; the subjective certainty of one’s own meaning in life; a fulfilling job; the feeling of being loved; Being involved in deep, reliable social relationships: All of this is one of the essential prerequisites for a person to be happy in the long term. But they are not enough. Another factor is no less critical: Gratitude.
We can train Gratitude.
The world, or facing life in a grateful attitude, is by no means a trait that we should have inherited. You can actively acquire this kind of “sunny disposition” – through regular training. Many scientific studies have proven their worth in psychological counseling centers, psychotherapeutic practices, and self-help groups. The following proved to be particularly helpful (1):
The visualization exercise. Think of a living person to whom you are especially grateful. (2)
The diary exercise. Write down three to five things that you were grateful for today at the end of each day.
The letter exercise. Write someone a thank you letter every day. To whom? For what? That is up to you, as well as whether you send a letter at all.
The gratitude visit. You deliver the letter to the addressee.
The marble exercise. Put a handful of marbles in the right pocket of your pants or jacket every morning. Whenever you experience something that you find enjoyable, valuable, beautiful, fulfilling during the day, you reach for a marble and put it in your left pocket. In the evening, before going to sleep, you empty them, pick up one marble after the other – and remind yourself which “thank you” each marble represents.
The brushing exercise. Whenever you brush your teeth in front of the bathroom mirror, you answer a question like: “What five things are I grateful for at the moment?”, “What has happened to me in the past few days? What did I do well?” Already after A few days, an association will have solidified: Whenever you see yourself in the mirror with a toothbrush in your mouth, the positive thoughts that had crossed your mind will appear.
I also recommend the what-if exercise. Imagine a person every day whom you have recently regretted a harrowing fate. Maybe you’ve met him recently, read or heard about him, or saw a movie in which he was featured.
Now imagine what it would be like to be in his skin – perhaps starving, not having a roof over your head, experiencing defenseless violence to fight for your very bare survival?
Such comparisons make you humble and grateful. Because they show how little is taken for granted that makes our existence worth living. For example, to have an intact body. Somebody like the Australian Nick Vujicic was born without arms or legs – but he still feels his life makes sense. He thanks the Lord God for the chance to pass on His message as an evangelist and motivational speaker. (3)
We have no natural claim to anything. Having it anyway is never a wrong reason to say thank you.
The “gratitude visit” had the most substantial short-term effect in a comparative study that tested six different exercises. The diary exercise proved to be the most effective in the longer term: even months later, participants who had practiced it felt significantly happier. The greatest successes came even after six months. (4)
Whichever exercise you choose: Do it for at least a month. The negative attitudes and perspectives that make Gratitude more difficult are based on deeply rooted beliefs consolidated over a long time. They don’t go away overnight. Take your time to resolve them.
Ingratitude: a fault in upbringing
If you find it challenging to be grateful, you usually come from a family that did not raise you to be thankful. The American family therapist Wendy Mogel dedicates a chapter to this in her highly acclaimed book The Blessings of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children (2001). She believes three cardinal pedagogical sins contribute to this. On the one hand, parents fail to offer a convincing role model through their behavior. Second, they fail to establish a thanking culture in the home that practices habits and draws the child’s attention to the goods and benefits they enjoy daily. Also, wishes must not always be fulfilled immediately. Children must be used to enduring longings to feel Gratitude.
Gratitude: a transformative force
With a grateful outlook on life, things don’t just feel better – they will be. It is not a mere belief but an empirically proven fact.
The more grateful a person is, the better they subjectively feel. The more balanced and happy he is, the more uplifted his mood and self-esteem. The more satisfied he looks at his life. The less often he is consistently depressed and listless. (5)
In addition, Gratitude relieves tension. And it increases psychological resistance, so-called “resilience”: the ability to cope with difficult situations without lasting impairment. Grateful people are less likely to use negative coping strategies: they do not try to avoid or define the problem in question, are less likely to blame themselves, and are less likely to be tempted to consume alcohol and drugs. (6)
Social relationships begin to improve almost instantly. Because those around them perceive those who are grateful as more balanced, open, relaxed, and positive, they appear more sympathetic to them. It responds more friendly and warm. The grateful also approach others more readily and is more likely to ask for support.
And he is more empathetic and generous, helps more, and donates more generously. (7) All of this, in turn, creates experiences that establish and promote Gratitude. A self-reinforcing dynamic sets in, as it is said: “Give, and it will be given to you.”
Mental stress diminishes. Numerous studies have shown that the more gratitude patients feel, the less they suffer from chronic exhaustion and fatigue. Sleep disturbances torment grateful people much less often – presumably because they take less negative, more positive thoughts with them to bed. (8) Disappointments, defeats, and traumatic experiences can be dealt with more efficiently.
Especially with depression, Gratitude proves to be one of the most powerful non-drug remedies because it boosts the production of dopamine and serotonin, the “happiness hormones,” as the vernacular calls them. Dopamine increases drive and strengthens motivation. Serotonin is a natural mood enhancer.
And this is by no means the only beneficial effect on the physical plane. Gratitude measurably lowers inflammation levels and strengthens the immune system. Even with severe physical limitations, it proves to be an excellent therapeutic agent – as well as an excellent means of prevention. This phenomenon has been well proven empirically, especially for heart conditions. (9) In patients with coronary insufficiency, Gratitude exercises significantly increased heart rate variability (HRV), the time interval between heartbeats – an essential indicator of heart health. The risk of a heart attack decreases.
Cardiology had known how damaging “negative traits” such as stress, depression, and anxiety were since the late 1950s when the research pioneers Meyer Friedman and Ray Rosenman began to deal with them. They found that so-called “type A behavior” – characterized by hostility, time pressure, and competitiveness – doubled the risk of developing coronary heart disease and dying from it. Gratitude exercises help break the “Type A” pattern. Serotonin plays a role in this: this hormone regulates the tension in the blood vessels in the cardiovascular system.
In short, grateful people are healthier.
Inner peace above all?
Gratitude is a recipe for happiness in every situation. There are simply no circumstances under which it would be impossible to raise it. Even abductees and displaced persons, even those imprisoned and abused, even subjects of totalitarian regimes could still be worse off. No situation is too bad not to have many positive aspects. Even in the ghetto, in the concentration camp, in Guantanamo.
It is precisely this that makes unlimited Gratitude politically extremely dangerous. It can tempt you to accept grievances, endure them, and always make the best of them. The willingness and ability are thereby elevated to an outstanding virtue. But in the end, it makes you passive and defenseless, self-centered, and lacking in solidarity.
Why do you think the invaders placed an outrageously unjust, inhuman caste system on India of all places, the motherland of Buddhism?
Karl Marx rightly saw the primary function of religion in general: They offer “opium for the people” to benefit the mighty. This opium makes you tolerant, docile, and indifferent. Psychotherapy, which it uses to strengthen “resilience,” inevitably degenerates into an instrument of domination.
Life satisfaction is also a question of self-esteem. How can I look in the mirror in a good mood, in the best of things, with myself entirely at peace, if I see someone in it who finds out about hair-raising injustice an occasion for Gratitude instead of opposing it? For the sake of self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to set priorities other than personal happiness and inner peace – for example, out of responsibility for one’s neighbor.
And this leads us to the question of how grateful a spiritually alert, well-informed, truth-loving contemporary who cares about the fate of his descendants should prove to be in the corona crisis.
No, we do not need to kiss the non-existent feet of the world spirit if it gives us a dystopian future with the next pandemic at the latest, which we wish our worst enemy, but certainly not our children and grandchildren. Such circumstances do not require grateful acceptance but sheer horror and bitter resistance, not alone, but together with like-minded people.
But what if we can neither avert disaster nor escape it? Then it is essential to save as much as possible of our small, intact private world into the new normal. As long as we manage to do that, we can at least say “thank you” for it – to whoever.
Harald Wiesendanger
There are two primary choices in life; to accept conditions as they exist or accept responsibility for changing them.- Mahabharata
Remarks
(1) https://www.huffpost.com/entry/having-gratitude-_b_1073105; https://bewusst-vegan-froh.de/forschungen-zeigen-dankbarkeit-veraendert-dein-gehirn-und-macht-dich-gesuender-und-gluecklicher/
(2) Nach P.C. Watkins u.a.: „Gratitude and happiness: Development of a measure of gratitude, and relationships with subjective well-being“, Social Behavior and Personality 31/2003, S. 431-452.
(3) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bGqTf_jHSE; Siehe das Kapitel „Der Mann ohne Gliedmaßen – Wenn ein Leben zur Botschaft wird“ in Harald Wiesendanger: Auswege – Kranken anders helfen, 1. Aufl. 2015, https://stiftung-auswege-shop.gambiocloud.com/auswege-kranken-anders-helfen.html
(4) M. Seligman u.a.: „Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions“, American Psychologist 60/2005, 410-421. Zu ähnlichen Ergebnissen kamen M. E. McCullough u.a.: „The grateful disposition: A conceptual and empirical topography“, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 83/2002, 112-127; S. Lyubomirsky u.a.: „Pursuing happiness: the architecture of sustainable change“, Review of General Psychology 9(2) 2005, S. 111 ff., http://thesciencenetwork.org/docs/BB3/Lyubomirsky_PursuingHappiness.pdf
(5) M. E. McCullough u.a: „ The grateful disposition: A conceptual and empirical topography“, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 82/2002, S. 112-127; A. M. Wood u.a.: „Gratitude uniquely predicts satisfaction with life: Incremental validity above the domains and facets of the Five Factor Model“, Personality and Individual Differences 45/2008, S. 49-54, https://web.archive.org/web/20110928103827/, http://personalpages.manchester.ac.uk/staff/alex.wood/gratitude%20and%20life%20satisfaction.pdf; T. B. Kashdan u.a.: „Gratitude and hedonic and eudaimonic well-being in Vietnam War veterans“, Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44/2006, S. 177-199; M. E. McCullough u.a.: (2004). „Gratitude in Intermediate affective terrain: Links of grateful moods with individual differences and daily emotional experience“, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 86/2004, S. 295-309; Alex Wood u.a.: “Gratitude–Parent of All Virtues“, The Psychologist 20.1/2007, S. 18-21.
(6) A. M. Wood u.a.: „Coping style as a psychological resource of grateful people“, Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 26/2007, S. 1108–1125, https://web.archive.org/web/20110928104000/http://personalpages.manchester.ac.uk/staff/alex.wood/gratitude%20and%20coping.pdf
(7) David DeSteno u.a.: „Gratitude as moral sentiment: Emotion-guided cooperation in economic exchange“, Emotion 10 (2) 2010, S. 289–293, doi:10.1037/a0017883; siehe auch Robert A. u.a.: “Gratitude as a Human Strength: Appraising the Evidence”, Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 19.1/2000, S. 56-69.
(8) A. M. Wood u.a.: „Gratitude influences sleep through the mechanism of pre-sleep cognitions“, Journal of Psychosomatic Research 66/2011, S. 43-48, https://web.archive.org/web/20110928104025/http://personalpages.manchester.ac.uk/staff/alex.wood/gratitude_sleep.pdf
Caste & Conversion A Colonial Conspiracy | Pt Satish K Sharma MBCS FRSA https://youtu.be/B4MzWK9Jwbk
Reframing the Myth of the Caste System – https://youtu.be/uWvqPG1xtNA
(9) https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_gratitude_be_good_for_your_heart
Titelbild Dankbarkeit: John Hain/Pixabay