by Dr.Harald Wiesendanger– Klartext
What the mainstream media is hiding
The Woke Academy for Anti-Sexist Gender Linguistics (WAAGL) is calling for awareness-raising measures for gender-equitable language correction in a public appeal worthy of the Cross of Merit, which is not too far away from April 1st.
“Dear awakened people,
let’s party! Haven’t we achieved something great, even revolutionary, and at a breathtaking speed: raising public linguistic awareness to a whole new level? More and more people are gendering themselves more and more consistently with asterisks and colons, with slashes and underscores, with gerundives and pauses in speech – how wonderful! Which man still dares to speak in a male-centered way? From the school director to the priest, the judge, the mayor, the university lecturer and the news anchor to the MP, the minister, the chancellor, and the federal president, almost everyone is now taking part. Anyone who wants to become something in companies and authorities, in the police or the Bundeswehr, can hardly avoid participating. From the press release to the toast to someone celebrating their anniversary, the speech at the wedding to the obituary at the funeral, Hardly anyone dares to be discriminatory anymore. He risks strange looks, clear reprimands, and even a career break. The pressure is growing, and of course, rightly so.
The more state organs try to use gender-equitable formulations, the more relentlessly any attempt to ridicule them must be pursued as “delegitimization relevant to the protection of the constitution.” No mercy for those of the past who use language-sexist hate speech to incite hatred! The anti-gender scene, like every lateral thinker milieu, undoubtedly has points of contact with anti-feminism and other ideologies of inequality. This connects them with racism, anti-Semitism, and other group-related misanthropy – as is well known, Hitler also did not Gender.
But this is just the beginning!
Take a look at today’s job offers – what catches your eye? An “m” and a “w” are followed by a “d”! It stands for “diverse genders” for “queers.” That’s how it has to be. But as we currently Gender, we are recklessly neglecting this group. A shame! That has to change quickly. In order to properly include non-binary people in spoken and written German, the Institute for Transformative Sexual Linguistics (ITSL) recommends using the suffix “-qui”, alluding to the phonetics of the word queer, “kwiiiier”. Consequently, a gender-friendly speech in the future must begin something like this: “Dear fellow citizens and fellow citizens.” (“Liebe Mitbürgerinnen und Mitbürger und Mitbürgequi. “) It just can’t be any shorter.
But we can’t possibly leave it at that. Doesn’t the said “qui” insensitively ignore the entire diversity of non-heterosexual orientations and non-binary gender identities? Which asexual wants to be lumped together with gays and lesbians, bisexuals, and pansexuals? What ordinary homosexual can be lumped together with people whose sexual preferences include children, animals, or corpses? According to Medical News Today, there are over 25 different sexualities. Politeness and empathy require us to address each of them separately so that no one has to feel excluded; no one has to feel ignored in their particular diversity and crammed into the same box with people who are different. Admittedly, this makes speeches and texts a little longer than usual – but a higher, gender-politically correct awareness should be worth that much time, right?
The next step, at least for Germans, is to tackle the definite article: an almost inexhaustible source of sexist slurs in the home of veal sausage and sauerkraut. Isn’t it a monstrous imposition that courage and understanding should be male while weakness and stupidity should be female? Let’s learn from the English! Why a crazy “der-die-das“ trinity when a single article is enough! The Academy for Anti-Discriminatory Grammar Optimization (AAGO) suggests a gender-neutral “sus” – “sus fellow citizen-male, sus fellow citizen-female, sus fellow citizen-lesb, sus fellow citizen-qui-pan, sus fellow citizen-pedo” and so on.
No more character sexism!
The Institute for Sublime Character Sexism (ISSS) has thankfully drawn our attention to an even more hair-raising scandal. As ISSS researchers found in high-quality controlled studies, female readers tend to associate the letter “l,” as well as a capital “I,” with an erect penis sooner or later – and all the more frequently and more intensely, depending on the number more time they have to consider the possibility of this connection undisturbed. The combination of an obscenely steep line with a dot placed on it – as in the “i” – caused 74.39 percent of all such sensitized viewers to involuntarily think of ejaculation within a 60-minute contemplation period; 58.12 percent recognized the exclamation mark “!” as a peeing Schniedel. Such phenomena were also less pronounced in letters in which an upstretched line connects with other elements, such as “B,” “D,” “H,” “K,” “L,” and “M.” “In the “N,” in the “P” or in the “T”. After another 30 minutes of thinking time, for 17.32 percent it was only an imaginative step from the “V” and “W” to the horrifying idea of being exhibitionistically harassed by two or three perpetrators.
Male test subjects, on the other hand, tend to think of a vagina after sufficient time to think about it when they hear a small or large “O”, as the ISSS was able to verify in a highly significant way using minimal changes in the size of certain erectile tissue. This effect was most pronounced in those test subjects who generally tend to think of female genitals within less than 120 seconds when they see open circles and hemispheres.
There is, therefore, undoubtedly a danger that confrontation with written language will permanently micro-trigger fears or memories of rape in female readers and conjure up mini-traumas, while in male readers, it will awaken a latent potential for the sexism of the most disgusting kind.
Such temptations inherent in language must finally come to an end! Away with all the subtly obscene “l” s and “i” s, “D” s, “H” s, “K” s and “T” s, with small and capital “O” s! Let’s desexualize the alphabet!
So, dear awakened women, awakened people, and awakened people, the first two sentences of this speech in the final desexualized version read as follows:
„Ass uns feern aen wr nch Grßarges, ja geraezu evouonäres errec, un as n aemerauener Gescwnge: sus ffenche Sracewusssen auf en ganz neues veau zu een?“
“As we celebrate with a large, almost evouonary errec, and as close as possible: we knew how to go to a completely new level?”
With this in mind, let’s get to it! Let’s Woke the World!”
(Harald Wiesendanger)
.P.S.1: Anyone who thinks that my article exaggerates has probably not yet stumbled upon the life’s work of the non-binary linguist Lann Hornscheidt: He suggests forming endings with “-x” instead of the two gender-specific endings -er and -in: ax gutx Lehrx (a good teacher/ Lehrer). The Viennese performance artist and columnist Hermes Phettberg uses the gender-neutral word ending “-y” in conjunction with the grammatical gender neuter: the Lesy for “Leser,/leserin” with the plural-s for the Lesys. (Correspondingly: “das Lehry” instead of Lehrer/Lehrerin.) For names that do not end in -er, he adds the -y to the whole word: das Ingenieury, die Köchys, die Studentys. No, this is not an April Fool’s joke.
P.S.2: Why isn’t gendered in this blog? Because I have known since my school days that grammatical and natural Gender have nothing to do with each other, KLARTEXT avoids woke asterisks, colons, slashes, and underscores. I also avoid the gerundive, which has recently been abused excessively in order to escape the supposedly masculine plural and to create gender neutrality (“reading,” “studying,” “teaching,” “judging,” “pedestrian,” “cooking,” “cycling”)-(“Lesende,” “Studierende,” “Lehrende,” “Richtende,” “Fußgehende,” “Kochende,” “Radfahrende”). Of course, simply writing about “readers” does not mean excluding female readers – the masculine noun is cross-gender. Anyone who feels psychologically destabilized by so much zeitgeistlessness is welcome in the therapy camps of my Ways Out Foundation if the following reading is of no use to them: Alexander Glück: Gender will change nothing – Fifty appreciative arguments against the violent deformation of our language – in reform-neutral orthography ( 2023).